Jury Duty

     I had a very stressful Monday morning. And came home VERY tired and feeling highly overworked. It started Sunday night, when someone called out sick, and the manager in charge at the time, couldn't figure out how to move the associates around to cover gaps. Or think to call someone in. Or leave a note, that certain associates were given approval to leave early, leaving the store with no afternoon help. I got the phone call, when I was off work, that there would be 1, ONE, schedule issue, that I quickly tried to cover. Why, though? Why, am I figuring out how to cover shifts, when you are an assistant manager, that has been one for years? Why, was there no thought process before I received the call? Why, didn't you tell me any of your ideas first? WHY, WHY, WHY? All of that before, I have even started my 5am Monday morning. The it all begins to fall slowly downhill, with this jury duty summons.
     I work with someone that received a jury summons and didn't take care of their summons properly. Correct me if I am wrong, but you generally get your summons early enough to take care of whatever arrangements need to be made, whether it be; transportation, time off, letter of excuse, childcare etc? What is puzzling me to no end, still today is the lack of responsibility by the associate to get this taken care of. Just because you have never served, has nothing to do with taking responsibility for yourself and making sure your shift is covered properly. I don't understand why the excuse letter was never picked up for yourself, since it is known that such a letter exists for you as an associate, that a) does not get paid for serving and b) does not have proper transportation. What I also don't understand is why on earth you would call 15 minutes before your shift to let your manager know that you now have to report, per your call in, which you have to call the weekend before (i.e FRIDAY) Which in turn means that you had 3 days to let the store now that you have to report for jury duty, because you did not properly mail the letter back with your letter of excuse.
What I also don't seem to understand is, why managers knew that you had a letter for jury duty, yet never "managed" to tell said opening manager of the possibility of a call out for that particular shift. I am having a hard time swallowing this "pill", with the excuses for this associate. This associate has no consequences for anything, because this associate is in my opinion untouchable. Quite a pain in the ass to be honest, and I can't wait until they are either given the responsibility, of taking responsibility for poor attendance habits, or they are removed all together. What is troubling, is the fact that had this been any other associate, there would be a different conversation.
     I am having frustrations with this job, because I don't understand why people work? What is the purpose of having a job, if you are not there to actually work? Why complain about not having hours at work, when you call out, or when you have people covering your shifts? I just feel there is unnecessary stress for myself, in this job, because there are no consequences for constant associate call outs. There are no guidelines, or rules, for proper call out time frames or notifications.

     I am very irritated because I feel like there is a lot of management being done on my end, as a shift supervisor, yet I make no money. From my understanding, I am just a shift, which according to these people is not even a manager. I don't get sick pay, I don't get to partake in the bonus. I am not contracted to work 45 hours a week. I am paid less than a current assistant manager, and I am training that person.

I just don't appreciate it, and I need either a promotion, to happen VERY soon, or to move on where I can be appreciated for my efforts.
     I may not do everything perfectly at this job, but I am still learning. I have never held a management position, so I think I am allowed learning experience. But any one that is above me, and has been a manager before, should NOT be allowed to let a shift suffer for lack of proper coverage. A person with prior management experience should be able to see where there will be gaps or issues and leave proper notification for the next day.
     Let's hope that tomorrow's open will be much smoother. I will not have this drama two days in a row. I have already told the big boss, so let's see how it is taken care of in the future. I have quite a few opens coming up, so I need this situation rectified by Tuesday night.

WTF!

I can make no comments to this.  All I can say is, we as Americans are filthy, dirty, lazy, entitled, people. And because we have more freedoms than most, we take a disgusting advantage of the world and people around us. Being gross for no reason other than pure laziness.  No wonder I have strep throat. Who in the hell knows where I really got it from.

I fell off

I have fallen off the health wagon. Only temporarily I hope (and when falling off the health wagon, I fell off the saving money wagon too).  I was doing so well, I had increased my eating to twice a day and I had cut out fast food and soda. I hadn't quite gotten the breakfast part in it. But when I did, I would eat it two out of five days. Which is way more than I ever have.  Then Lil RJ came along and sabotaged Big RJ.  I saw that I was losing massive inches, was fitting into pants and shirts I hadn't worn in years. Some things I've never worn, tag still attached. So I started allowing myself to eat out and waste money. And have one skinny margarita and waste money. Then when I would eat at home, the portions got bigger and my stomach got sicker and fuller and tighter.  Did I stop? No! I kept eating more crap, and more portions and then I started eating later and more sweets and I would allow myself one soda at work (depending on how stressed I felt). Then I stepped on that damn scale. According to my hard work, I had lost about 12lbs total (the ten I might have mentioned in the last blog) and then 2 more with my healthy eating. Well I gained back about 3...and the inches stayed off the top, but not the bottom. But I'm not so far off, that I can't correct it. But I did see what I do and how I am my own saboteur. I start doing well, start feeling better, get a new found confidence and bam...I slowly start screwing it up.  Well once I beat this strep throat (which I've lost that extra 3 lbs with, not healthy I know). I can finally go back to eating regularly. And maybe I will really start the gym this time.
I have set some small goals for myself:
I have a baby shower soon, and I don't want to look like I could pass for pregnant. I'm hoping to be at an even 200. That's eight pounds in 4 weeks.
And Lady Gaga concert is soon after. I have big plans for a wild outfit. If I can meet my goal, I'm hoping to be under 200, maybe 195...that gives me about 2 weeks.
And Travie McCoy meet and greet a couple weeks after that. If I can make these above goals, I hope I can lose another 10. by April 1st. Or maybe be a size 12. A true size 12, not a tight size 12, a relaxed and comfy 12.

Once I get back on the gym wagon, I'm taking (my only reader) Bre up on her offer for help...I want to join her at the Dailey Method!

Health and Dieting

In the back of my mind, I am constantly thinking about weight loss, health, dieting and all related aspects.  I have officially started to get my mind right as far as health is concerned. And have decided to set my self some goals. I have a list of things that I need to be finished with or close to finished with by June 30, 2012. Why June, you ask? Cause my birthday is July 8th and I will be 30 and it's before we all die...and refuse to not have these tasks completed by then. 

The main thing is to get my health in order. Starting slowly with weight loss. And the weight loss is more for vanity at this point. I was thinking about what I used to look like in HS, and I was thin. In fact, I was thin most of my life. Until I turned about 22-23. That's when I started to pick up weight and even then, I wasn't terribly heavy, just heavier.  When I graduated HS, I probably weighed at most 120. When I was 22-23, maybe about 140, possibly 135...not terrible. Still could shop at the teen stores.  Once I hit CSUS, I started to gain more. About 150-165...after I passed 180, I really just got lazy and didn't care.  So, basically I have spent most of my twenties, in a body that doesn't feel or look like mine. Well, now I am at a weight, that is truly a jump away from the 300s. I could turn around one day and be so overweight, I would die of sheer vanity and embarrassment.  Now, I'm pretty tall, I'm about 5'8, so to weigh 200 isn't that unheard of. However, I am also unhealthy.  I know that when the women in my family are at their proper size, they are built small. So I really don't have a "big boned" physique. I should be flat all over. I should have a flat butt, and small boobs. No hips, and bony legs, but thicker thighs. But I don't. I'm round all over at this point. Basically back to my weight loss for vanity, I was talking to my mom, and telling her my goals. And how I basically wasted the best years of my life being fat. I am a very sexual person, not that I like to sleep around, but that I enjoy a nice looking body. And if you got it flaunt it. Well, with me being larger than I would like, I have wasted my hoochie dressing years cooped up in a fat suit.  So I am going to get it together and get fit, so I can spend the next few years, before I "grow up" dressing like a cheap whore.  Fredericks catalog is going to be my main shopping post. You can beat your sweet ass!

So what I have decided, is I will slowly start making life changes, one of the first is to cut out soda. That to me is hard, but easy at the same time. It's all about making the right choices at the right time. At my job, drinks are free and we serve Pepsi. I have been drinking iced tea. I hook it up with hella Splenda and lemon.  But I do it. And while I'm at work I DO NOT drink soda. Today I also made the effort before bowling to bring food with me. Usually I buy something there, but today, I took leftover burritos and my water bottle.  I also made some cookies for Heather's bday and ate 2 at the alley...and 1 at home (I have to taste test, right?).  I think I am getting used to not relying on fast food. I just have to stop being so lazy and put in 5 extra minutes to bring my lunch or dinner, wherever I go.

Next step is the gym tomorrow! First day in a LONG time. I know I will be feeling like this.

Lord help me and wish me luck. I just bought tickets for a meet and greet with Travie McCoy...I really must be looking somewhat decent now.

It's been a while

So I haven't posted, apparently since August.  I need to start that up again. I have a few things in my life that are constant post worthy issues. Work, Health, Money and Friendship...today most important are work and health.
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I finally got a transfer from that horrible store to a new store. Same business, new atmosphere. And with the exception of it being new and having bugs to work out, I am happy.  I finally feel like I don't have to work with someone that treats their employees like shit.  I don't have to dread coming to work because I know my manager isn't a complete asshole.  Now all I have to worry about is managers fucking up their drawer counts, and making me look like an asshole at the end of day. That is a whole other issue to work on.
 I will say that most of the kids that work here try to work their asses off.  There are a select few that are lazy and as far as I am concerned could be fired or moved elsewhere.  But in all, I am pretty happy with my move. I still want to get away from PB all together, but I might be able to make it work for another year or so.  We'll see.
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I am also going back to school.  Nothing major, I'm working on a Master Teacher Certificate, in ECE with an emphasis on special needs.  Wish me luck, since I'm waitlisted for every class.  But if I get them, I should only need two semester before I am certified.  Then back to grad school.  I will finish that Master's Degree.  I refuse to not complete it.  And after I have completed my school goals, I HOPE this will get me towards my career. Not a job, but my career. Something I love. I want to live to work, not work to live. I am ready for my dream career path. And I refuse to not have it. I will not let myself settle for any less than utter career happiness.
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I have also still procrastinated on the health checkup.  I really am so incredibly nervous to go and get this lump checked out.  I really can't. I know that at the level of sanity (or lack of) that I am at, I will probably sink down to a dark abyss, that will be difficult to come out of, should I find out anything less than happy.
I know I need to get the check up, and have a physical, only to have the nurse tell me, I'm overweight, with high blood pressure, and a lump that probably needs to be drained or worse.  I just know I mentally I can't take it.  I really do try not to show my upset or my nerves. I like to put on a brave face, mostly because I don't want people knowing all my business, or try to find the right words to tell me it will be alright, in the face of death. My mom said I HAVE TO go get a check up after  NYE, and if my insurance doesn't cover it, she will pay for it.  Lord help me and wish me luck, that it is minor.
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At this point those are my main concerns.  Otherwise, I am pretty happy with the way my life is headed. My job may not be ideal for me personally, but I at least have one.  Now it's a matter of finding my career and becoming situated.  I do think once I have the career on track everything else will begin to fall into place. Or at least that is what I hope for.

Health

I have just recently found a lump on the side of my bosom.  It is like a golf ball in size, shape, and texture.  I had a small moment of panic because I am incredibly unhealthy, and it seems that all kinds of horrible stuff is being thrown my way.  Any way, I googled the symptoms of both breast cancer and breast cysts. According to my googling, it could be either.  I have other symptoms that I wont post, for sake of TMI.  I haven't told anyone, cause it may be nothing, but it makes me a little nervous when I think about it.  I did find out that my health insurance, should at least cover a visit, so I can make an appointment. I really am putting off the appointment, cause I can't take much more drama.  I'm ready for my big break, I mean geezus, can I ever catch a damn break? Well now that I may die of breast cancer, I have to get healthy fast.  I have to limit my caffeine/soda consumption as of 2 weeks ago...eventhough I drink A LOT of soda at PB Hell, cause it's free.  I need to make my ass go to the gym.  I'm tired of spending another year unhealthy and extremely overweight.  I must get it together.  Plus it doesn't hurt that there is a man I have my eye on...so I need to "Get it right, get it tight!"

Anyway, I'm in a writing mood and needed to get that issue off my chest. I'll post again, once I know what's up!
Gym, here I come. Starting tomorrow!

Work revisited

Just wanted to update my one follower, thanks Bre...as well as my mental health. So work still sucks, but I'm not as down about it anymore.  I still get harassed about dumb crap, however, I don't take it so personally anymore.  Because I only make 12.00/hr and am wasting my bachelors degree, shilling bagels and $8.00 sandwiches, I have decided that I will come to work simply to work.  I am no longer going to work and let these jerks bother me to the extent that it did.  The funny thing about PB is that one of their mottoes is, "NO JERKS".  Apparently it means no jerks to the customers and treat the employees however you wish.  Well now that I know that this is how they treat the management team, I can't be surprised if I get pooped on again.  But I will definitely not let them take it as far as it had.  Basically, all this means is I have to get back to school, out of debt, moved out and with a much better job.

Well I at least signed up for more state tests, I just won't take any jobs that are intermittent. Eff the Furloughs.

Work, Work, Work

I have just recently been promoted at job A to shift supervisor, a position I asked for . I have only been in this position for about a month. I went through three weeks of "training", back in June then had a week and a half of vacation, then back to work for "transition training". I put the word training in quotes, because it's definitely not training.  It is more learn as you go and if you want to know something you better figure it out, and as RuPaul says, "Don't fuck it up!" Anyway, I was working two jobs for about 6 months, until I decided to ask for the promotion.  I asked to be promoted, because I work harder than the managers there and was making less money. So I figured, they don't do shit, I do, so it can't be that hard. With my other job, job B, it was not a full time permanent position, we would be furloughed for weeks at a time (or so they would say).  That is not the kind of job that works for me, so I quit that bitch. Here's where my problems come in.  I should have never quit that bitch (job B) and sucked it up, because job A, is on my last nerve.  Unfortunately all I ever hear currently is, "You have to get yourself out of the hourly position and into the management position."  First of all, what really is the difference? Secondly, I haven't even been doing this for more than a month.  As of yesterday July 31st, it was a months time.  So, I'm not really sure what I need to change, but lord help me, if I hear that sentence again for the 50th time.  This 12.00/hour job has caused me to break down and cry 3 times in the last month.  That's right in 30 days, I have cried about this measly job 3 times. So, if my math is correct, I should have another cry coming up in 10 days to make it 4 cries in 40 days.  The reason for my crying is utter frustration.  I am a pretty thick skinned person, but even the thickest skin will crack and break. I can't have someone tell me, I'm doing a great job, and catching on, only to tell me in the same sentence, but...you're doing a,b,c,d,e,f and g wrong everyday that I work. I may laugh it off, but I'm sick of it. Leave me the fuck alone about stupid shit, how about that? If another manager made an error, why is it my fault? Why do I need awareness about their stupid fuck ups. Why aren't they held accountable? Don't shit on me because I'm new in the position. I'm not new at the job and I'm not a retard. I may not be swift at math, and may not be able to add numbers in my head like an idiot savant, but that's what calculators are for. Explain it and let me practice it, and all will be fine. This isn't medical school, it's job A.

Basically I'm at my wits end. I desperately need a new job, and can't wait to quit this big bitch.  I don't make enough money to be treated like a moron, and I didn't go into debt with school, to work with assholes. I went into debt to help assholes not be them anymore. 

I'm so frustrated with the way this job has gone, and I needed to vent that drama. Luckily, I have two days off and hopefully it will be better next week.

Blogging

I am going to start blogging. Hopefully I can make this a regular occurrence and post frequently. Mostly about stuff going on around me; thoughts/feelings, complaints, funny antics. I need an outlet, until I find the right therapist for me and writing about it usually does it for me.

Stay Tuned!!!!

Too Young To Marry, Too Dumb To Know Anything

The Tyra show is interesting today. I hate this show I really do. She annoys the crap out of me more than anything. There is a child here that is 15 and wants to get married. What I don't understand is that no one is questioning whether or not this child is mentally impaired. She is speaking like she is, and can't answer very simple questions. Her beau, is 18 and even dumber than she is. He has a job as a "pizza man" and makes $1000/year. Really? $1000/year, there is no minimum wage job that would ever average out to 1000/year, is there? I feel dumb even questioning it. The 15 year old had to tell him he makes 8.10/hr...she still couldnt figure the math, but at least knew that $1000/year, wasn't possible. Tyra was asking the boy, why he wants to get married...he stammered and stuttered, he loves her, he cares for her, blah...blah...blah...Then Tyra asked the girl, why she wants to get married...she said b/c he cleans for her, and is nice to her and talks to her...WTF...I can't take anymore. And the mother is a piece of work...I don't think they are mental, I think they are from some slow state and speak like a bunch of dumb do-dos. This mother had her kids at 15 and 17...piece of work...holy geez, where are these people from and what in the world is up with society and why are people so backwards?

Reality TV

I have been watching a lot of reality TV and although, I'm not exactly a fan I don't hate it either. But I have been noticing every single time there is a black person they seem to show the worst part of the black person. Granted that they have to cut and paste the show to fit into 30 minutes, so they aren't going to show every angle, but c'mon! Whenever I watch these folks and they start wildin' out, I usually fast forward, and my blood boils. Why on earth do people always have to ack-a-foo? I have been watching BAD GIRLS CLUB, love the show, I really do. I love seeing people act stupid and think they are hot shit, but really, there is acting a fool, and then there is ackin' a foo! This girl KC, she is irritating as all hell, and very typical. Everything she does is totally expected and I'm not at all surprised about it. Every episode she has been the center of attention, yelling, cussing, fussing, fighting, and just being so damn ghetto. All of the ladies in this house, feed into her bull and argue back with her, or say crap about them not being afraid of her, blah...blah...blah. Give the B a break, if you stop talking to her dumb ass, she will stop acting an ass, duh!! Finally she left the house, because she fought (i.e. slapped and scratched) her roommate, all the while her roommate choked the shit out of her. So really, who's more hood? My understanding is that hood bitches don't get choked, EVER!! The thing that irritated me the most, was how quick she flew off the handle to begin with. What in the world? Have you never heard of ignoring someone, or shutting the fuck up yourself? Why do blacks find that there is a sense of entitlement, in which they can tell people to shut the fuck up, and others must listen. Are you serious, like really serious? You are ignorant as shit, you are old enough to walk away, yet I have to shut the fuck up, why don't you have to shut the fuck up? Where did this shit come from? I don't understand it, I never will. Then in the next breath, we'll hear, "no one understands my struggle", or "I've always had to deal with this", "People always think black people fight, or are ghetto." How about this shit, stop perpetuating this stereotype by showing your ass on TV, and people won't always assume you're a fucking moron. As much as I love this show, I don't understand why people would sign up to be on it, only to still act just as dumb as they did before they got there. I mean realisticly I know why they are on the show, for air time, and a vacation. But really? Get it together people!
Then I was watching AMERICAN IDOL, what the fuck. Really??? This girl straight up screamed like a loon, because she got a no. WTF, every time someone tells you no, do you start screaming bloody murder, like in a movie? That was Mommy Dearest, screaming...Like no wire hangers, the end of the world type stuff. Including falling on the knees, bawling her eyes out. Really! That's all I could say, when I saw that shit. I mean I fast forwarded and rewound it just to see if she was serious. She was. And you know where I'm going, what color was her skin...you got it BROWN. Fucking black people, I mean. MUST YOU ACT SO DAMN IGNANT ALL THE TIME!!!! Heysuesschristo!!!! I really cannot stand another show, where there are black people that can't behave. This shit has to stop, and it has to stop TODAY. Finally in the "next on AI" clips, they show this red haired lady, going buck on all kinds of people...why? Why on earth would you even go there? Your ass is on TV, you have a regular life to go back to when you get booted off, because you will, being that you're an ignorant moron. She is cutting up on TV, national TV, hella people see this. And they are talking about it, because I'm talking about it. People like to see other people act up, especially see black people, so they can say, "See I told you, blacks are ghetto." Damn man, why?
Anyway, I had to get that off my chest. I didn't even say all I wanted, cause my wrists are hurting like hell. And those aren't the only blacks that irritate the hell out of me, just the only two I felt like giving more time to. AI was full of losers, not just black, trust me. Lots of stereotypes were filled. That is the only one that makes me madder than hell.

And don't get all crazy, cause I myself am black, I just don't act like an asshole. I would like to know everyone's thoughts tho! Am I nuts, am I the only person that finds that annoying that TV manages to find the negative aspects in people and only show that? Why can't there be an episode where they show people laughing and joking and acting a good fool, not an ignorant fool? Just once I would like 30 minutes of pure reality TV hilarity, just once!